A Bizarre Day

The word I woke up to today is, bizarre. This word in itself places an expansive bar on perspective. Strange weird curious. What does it mean in these times of struggle and the unknown? How do we coexist with an invisible war?

For one, nothing appears normal, and yet it’s as it’s meant to be for this moment in time. Neither black, or white. A new grey in an ever-changing norm.

By definition this color is described as bland or dull? If that the only truth, why is the latest trend for household and business interiors trending grey and white, with accents of either bright or monochromatic colors?

Does dull apply to what your life felt like before Coronavirus, and what does it feel like now? Are colors of emotion seasoning up your insides with the constant change of news? Shake ups to yesterdays daily routines into not knowing what to do? The weather, the news, everything is always changing.

A norm of discovery and thought. Not parallel or congruent to anyone else’s norm. A norm of your own to survive in the most bizarre way. The weird silent beauty of discover in it all.

All of the children are home – One son’s study abroad program, abruptly cut short, the youngest, a first-year college, student flew back as well. Adapting to online education, all platforms in place.

My oldest from in NYC, works as a private contractor for one agency with one-to-one clients this year, after a few years working in a school system as a social worker for an underserved community. Her job on pause, as is most of the nation and world. She does freelance for a nonprofit, a strand that keeps her busy.

Next son, in finance. now working from home rather than a commute to a building a few towns away.

A guest friend of my older daughters now sits down to eat with us each night. Just laid off after a recent break up from her boyfriend. In just a few days, I feel like I’ve gained a daughter. It’s as if she’s been here to “break bread” bless the wine, and welcome in the stillness of Shabbat before, yet I know that I would have never had this opportunity to be a second mom just for a short while) to her in this chaotic time if it wasn’t for the chaos.

My mind goes to those who suffer from mental and physical abuse. I pray for food to reach the hungry and for balance in all of this recklessness.

Today, on this day of rest, I realize that I would never of had this chance to walk with my family, meet new neighbors (as we keep a distance) on the street, bump into people I haven’t seen in years. Teach yoga to friends who normally work, live far away, or are usually too busy to drive to my normal in-studio class.

My past, the part if me that I’ve pushed away, follows me back to me.
I would never have been the person I am today if it wasn’t for all of the physical (due to medical woes) and emotional discomfort that I’ve experienced in life.

That’s what brings me to you. Even though we don’t physicality get to see each other, I energetically feel you and hear your story too.

Your life’s victories and failures matter. They remind you to live in the new norm of today. It doesn’t mean you stop living. For now, and until you exhale your last breath, you keep going. Press on the gas pedal, fuel to accelerate and drive, even if it’s to a hidden alcove. Be someone you want to hang out with so that others are attracted to your true nature. Bound in love..

I don’t mean to preach, make light of your circumstance. Quite the contrary.

As life things continue to get more and more bizarre, my heart is bursting open.
I send my love and mellow mood to those that are in a frenzy. I bring my zest to live no matter how low or blue I feel, to help you offset the depress.

My body feels lost, numb confused and scared. It’s a personal quandary. Do you feel the levity in it too? In recent years, I have worked to build an online course that keeps me at a desk, away from community and people I love.
It’s also given me a chance to step away from people that judge me for who I am.

What does that mean though? It’s bizarre to think about.
I have been engaging in zoom conversations for a few years, in mentor groups and for my Conscious Connections Course.

Some people label themselves either outgoing or hermits. I consider myself a people person. I use to be more of a people pleaser and worry what others thought of me. I’m not going to say that I don’t fall off the ladder still. I’d be lying if I did.

Building my confidence and self-esteem is my life’s work and it’s what fuels me to be a better version of me. It’s my mission to share what I’ve learned over the years to help me build inner peace even in chaos, with others.

Our immune systems deserve optimal health so we can share vital strength to persevere.

I find it’s important to implement tools in your life that allow you to move, sit and rest.

Your family, friends, peers’ strangers deserve 100 percent of your attention when you’re in their physical and or virtual presence.

If you need to set boundaries for when to be surfing the phone posting for business or pleasure, do it. Also, let people know if it is or not a good time to talk. Say I need a few more minutes or set a time so that you can finish a task and come back to be present to connect with people.

Everyone has one basic need and that’s love.
They want to know; can you see me? Do you hear me?

Is your glass half empty or half full? Glasses on glasses off.
In my eyes, it’s all how you choose to see it.

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